Up he went
by sylarmarsh13
Summary: Yuki's cheating and being colder than ever, Shuichi wants to escape his pain.
1. Skydiving

Up he went. Taking in the rush of being so high, so above the world.

The plane was reaching the clouds now, he felt his heart skip a beat in nervousness.

But once again felt at ease when he realised that he was completely safe.

The plane slowed down and somewhat hovered in mid-air. He sucked in a deep breath and stood.

'Be careful' 'make sure you pull the cord' Blah blah blah, more instructions.

He closed his eyes as the door to the plane was opened, and with a smile, he took a step.

Ah. Peace. The wind was rapidly combing his hair. The sunlight warming him.

Arms spread he flew. His mind in a blissful state.

He opened his eyes and saw the ground rushing towards him at a high speed.

With a sigh, he pulled the cord dangling next to him.

As the large material puffed out and slowed him down, he realised.

There was no eternal freedom. Only moments.

Short brief moments.

Short-lived feelings.

Not even skydiving could free him forever.

So he tried other things.

Things that might save him for a bit longer than a few minutes.

But not all of them were exactly… healthy.

Amusement parks.

Enjoyable but not long enough.

Rollercoasters lasted a few minutes. Cotton candy wasn't working.

Food.

No, it made him fat. Unwanted.

Unworthy and disgusting.

Alcohol.

It worked. But not for his health. Throwing up daily wasn't exactly his forte.

And that made him lose friends. He didn't want that.

Drugs.

Down.

Lower.

No one.

Nothing.

Just.

The.

Drugs.

Sleep.

Eat.

Drugs.

Sleep.

Eat.

Free.

Drugs.

Sleep.

Drugs.

Sleep.

Drugs.

Eat.

Drugs.

Sleep.

Drugs.

Sniff.

Smoke.

Needle.

Freedom.


	2. Prologue

Through this, he forgot. He forgot why he was alone. He forgot _that_ he was alone.  
>The bright, vibrant, bubbly super star. Lowered to this level because of who?<br>Eiri Yuki, his one and only. His whole world.

His "lover" was unfaithful.  
>Shuichi tried. Over. And over.<br>The pink haired "brat" had sacrificed his body to 5 guys.

_5 guys._ Including Aizawa, the worst of them all.  
>He didn't mind at the time. That incident had brought the two closer.<br>But what happened after that? 

Nothing at all. Yuki ignored him as usual.  
>He used his body when he felt like it, and kicked him out when he was done.<br>Eiri's fist would meet Shu's face whenever he saw fit.

Shuichi was still happy, all that torture was worth their brief moments of genuine love.  
>But he couldn't help his self when it happened again.<br>This time it was a group of haters. They took him like Aizawa's thugs did.

But this time, Yuki didn't care.

**I will continue this in regular story form in a few days. Please be patient with me.**


	3. Chapter 1

The pink haired singer sighed as he dropped the now empty needle onto the carpeted floor. Waiting for the rush to flow through his veins, he thought about the things he was trying to forget.

His so-called lover was out right now. Where? He had no idea. But he knew exactly what was going on, it was so extremely obvious after all. In late hours of the night, or early hours in the morning, his blonde lover would waltz through the door with his new girlfriend straight into Eiri's bedroom. He'd speak in a hushed voice as if trying to keep it a secret from his sleeping boyfriend on the couch.

"Who's that?" The whore would ask.

"Just one of my stupid cousins, don't worry about him." The unfaithful blonde would reply, not noticing the tears that fell from the singer's closed eyes at that.

Ever since the Aizawa incident (which had been months ago now), sleep had been impossible for Shuichi. His body would fall asleep but his mind would stay awake, taking in everything going on in the real world, sleep paralysis, as you would call it. He heard everything, the unlocking of the door, the cruel whispers of his lover and the moaning of said lover and… what was her name? Maria, that's right. But yes, this had been happening for a few weeks now. At first they'd only come home together every two or three nights but now it was a daily routine.

One night after having been kicked out, after pounding on the door in tears for a whole hour, he got up and walked down the block. He shivered in the cold and thought about the past few weeks as tears strolled down his face. He got pushed into an alley by a group of men. From there he couldn't remember anything else only that when he had control of his mind again, he was limping home with blood all over clothes, a sore ass, something wet and sticky running down his thigh and a bloody knife in his hands.

He ran home and pounded on the door again. He screamed to his lover for help but got no response. Right then, Yuki and Maria had come down the hall giggling and linking arms. The blonde's eyes widened when he saw the singer banging on his door with blood everywhere on his torn clothes but discarded it and pushed him aside to unlock the door.

"I see you got into another fight." He lied to keep Maria from getting to freaked out. And he lead her to his bedroom without another word.

Shuichi sprinted to the bathroom before he got the chance to hear their little "session" of fun time. Turning the cold water knob all the way up, he stripped and got into the shower. He scrubbed hard all over his body with soap. The water feeling like knives scraping his skin away, piece by piece. Two hours later he finally collapsed in the shower with grazes all over from scrubbing so much and so harshly.

The next day, he woke up on the couch. How…? Shuichi saw Eiri watching the news on the other side of the couch. The singer told himself it was just a dream. Until he looked at the T.V screen. Six men… Hospitalized… Three found dead in an alley… Knife wounds… He ran into the bathroom to throw up.


	4. Chapter 2

So Shu had tried things to take his mind off of it but nothing helped except for a few things. Heroin, cocaine, ice, ecstacy, any damn drug he could get his hands on. Makeup had helped Shu conceal the bags under his eyes and his sunken in cheeks. He hid his close to anorexic body under thick clothes. If it had been any other season but winter, thick (but still stylish) sweaters and jeans everyday would've been suspicious. Speaking of winter…

Yuki had been colder than ever and a hell of a lot more abusive. A single word from the "little brat" and he would get kicked out into the rain, snow, whatever. He would come down with a fever and be forced to suffer through it himself. Hiro had moved in with his now-fiance, so other than back to Yuki, he had nowhere to go.

A tear ran down Shuichi's cheek, and more followed. He looked around, a needle on the floor, too many smoked out cigarettes in the ashtray and a poorly hidden bottle of suspicious looking pills. What would he do when Eiri came home? Would he even care? No, he'd be with Maria… that bitch. She ruined everythi-

Ah, there's the rush he was waiting for. A moan escaped the singer's lips as a dizzy rush push him back onto the couch. His eyes rolled back and his mind blanked out. A smile graced his features and his body felt warm. He hadn't forgot about everything but quite frankly, he didn't give a single shit about it at the moment. He was in heaven.

He heard the door unlock, but in his dazed state of mind, he didn't care.

Two shocked gasps.

A male's and a female's voices were heard, it sounded like they were arguing?

"Just…I'll…him….brat!...the fuck…..doing ….." The (completely smashed) singer couldn't make out every word that the beautiful blonde man was saying.

The girl said something that made the pretty man get angry at her.

Why did he just kick her out? Why does he look so familiar?

"Why…" Oh he said something again. Why does he look sad now?

Shuichi's smile slowly dropped as Yuki's facial expression got more and more concerned and depressing. The pink haired singer's hand rose up to caress his lovers face.

"Don't be sad, Mr. Your face isn't as beautiful with water coming from your eyes." I said trying to cheer the lovely man up.

"Shuichi….did….this…..long...please….quiet….talk…why" What is he saying? I can't tell.

Is he talking to me? What's his name… I forgot… do I know his name?... Yeah…

"Yuki!" That's it! Yeah!

The pink-haired boy was smiling once again while the kneeling blonde grew more and more worried. He looked on the coffee table and saw the ashtray filled with more smokes than he had smoked during the whole week. He looked back to Shu and his arm that was bleeding where the needle had punctured. Standing up, he walked to the kitchen to get a band-aid. When he got there he breathed deeply trying to suppress sobs.

Why is Yuki crying? He's only cried once in front of me and he said he hadn't cried for 6 years! What could've made him cry now?

Shu's eyes widened tremendously as his mind suddenly blacked out and flashbacks ran through his head.


	5. Chapter 3

"Come on babe… We just want to have a little fun."

"Get away from me!"

"Hey hey hey, no need to bite, we'll pay you too, how about that?"

"How low do you think I am! BASTARDS!"

"I think we need to teach this little bitch a lesson…"

"Wh-what are you doing… no.. NO!"

Thrusting and pain, he's… oh god there's two of them inside… no get it away from my mouth… no…  
>Wait, he has a knife… If I get it, I could…<p>

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Taking the knife, Shuichi cut the man in front of him's genitals off. He twisted and slit the throat of the man behind him, never breaking his flow, he stabbed the other assailant's eye and pulled the knife out, taking the eye with it.

The eye rolled on the floor and the other six guys surrounding him watched it in shock. Before they had a chance to react, the "brat" threw the knife into the back of one of their throats. One pulled a gun out on him, which he kicked away and dived to catch. One the gun was in his hand, he shot three of the pathetic little idiots.

A knife was felt on Shu's neck and he felt the breath of the man behind him on his ear. He growled and bit the hand that was wielding the knife, and took it back for himself to use. From under his chin and up into his mouth, the weapon went.

Last but not least, Shu threw the knife at the other guy's hand, pinning it to the wall behind him. 

He limped down the pathway on his way back to Yuki's. And then his mind blacked out, suddenly he was wondering why his clothes were bloody, why his ass was sore and why he had a bloody knife in his hand.

"SHUICHI!" The small, shaking boy was brought from his thoughts back to reality by his one and only.

"Yuki…" Shu started laughing. Tears were running down his face. His eyes were wide in a scared expression. His mouth was contorted in a grin. He was hyperventilating. He was scaring the hell out of his lover. He started pulling on his hair tightly.

Now he was sobbing, crying, wailing in a way Yuki had never seen before. It was so heartbreaking. The boy wasn't crying his usual attention-seeking cry. He was crying like he had never cried before and was finally letting all of his pain out.

It wasn't loud, despite his wailing.

It wasn't disgustingly wet, despite all his tears.

And Yuki felt completely helpless, despite all the other times where he didn't give a single shit.


	6. Chapter 4

YUKI POV:

Ever since the Aizawa incident, Shuichi hadn't said a single word of complaint about it so I assumed that he had gotten over it. Me however, I wasn't doing so well. I kept getting writer's block and nothing I did could help.

I still felt responsible for the incident, it was my fault after all. Shuichi would get hurt again and again around me so I kept trying to drive him away. Being the little stubborn brat he is, he wouldn't leave. He kept on coming straight back every time I kicked him out. And me being the selfish bastard I am, I let him back in. How could I be so cruel to the innocent boy?

I asked myself this everyday yet I kept driving him away. Into darkness. But he would just spring back up into the light with me. The light that I don't deserve but take anyway.

He wouldn't leave… So I tried something else… Something a little more cruel and heartbreaking. I got a girlfriend. I actually started liking her. At first she was just a fling but turns out, she could handle my cold remarks and she was great in bed. I knew it must've meant she had a lot of experience but so have I…

Shuichi's eyes lost light in them day by day, but he still wouldn't leave. I also noticed that every morning before he went to work he would spend half an hour in the bathroom putting make up on the bags on his eyes. Was he not sleeping?

He also lost so much weight… I know he thought no one noticed but I did. And… I did nothing. I started to notice, whenever I got back from wherever I was when I wasn't home, on a date, at Maria's house or submitting a manuscript, that the ashtray would be filled with a little more cigarettes than I had remembered smoking before I left. I rarely saw my brat awake anymore, he'd always be lying on the couch with his eyes closed and drool trickling down his mouth.

Lucky for him though, because 95% of the time he was awake, I threw him out. By now I was really worried about my pink-haired boy. He was doing great at work still but at home he just seemed… drained. I had a good idea as to why that might be but… why wouldn't he leave me? He deserves someone so much better.

But one night after I had kicked my angel out, I came home with my… girlfriend. And my eyes widened, my heart broke, my hands shook when I saw him. He was covered in blood, his shirt was torn and there were so many tears dripping onto the floor. Maria gasped and I realized my situation. Maybe if I'm cold to him this one last time, he'll leave.

I pushed him aside. Opened the door. Spoke lies. And cheated on my poor boy once again. I heard him running through the house, I heard him slam a door. The water was running, full rush. I tried to ignore while I fucked the whore. My eyes filled with tears as guilt tore my heart apart. I told her to leave, to just get out. Filled with worry, I pushed her out of the door apologizing and as soon as she was gone, I went to the bathroom.

'Oh god, no.' He was lying on the floor unconscious. I begged and pleaded that he wasn't dead. The tears in my eyes finally fell, I realized the situation. According to Hiro, this is exactly what Shuichi did when Aizawa… But this was worse. He was lightly bleeding here and there because he had literally scrubbed some of his skin off.

'Holy shit' the water was freezing, he didn't even use hot water? His body was shaking and it was even colder than the water, I turned the cold down and cranked up the hot water.

'Jesus…' My angel was so skinny… pale… with no makeup he looked like a ghost and with his freezing body, he felt as cold as one.

But I noticed that he wasn't covered in any wounds, only bruises which didn't make sense because his clothes were soaked in blood. Unless… no Shu wouldn't do that. He's too innocent but it's the only thing that makes sense. My hand covered my mouth as sobs completely racked my body.


	7. Chapter 5

After I calmed down, I dried him, dressed him and laid him on his bed… my couch. I sat next to him for the rest of the night and morning until he woke up. I was watching the news and I saw my brat wake up in the corner of my eye.

When he saw the T.V. he ran to the bathroom again and it sounded like he was throwing up. I stayed seated at the couch because I knew that he'd come to me and complain and cry like he usually does. But I heard him getting dressed and going to the bathroom to get ready. He passed me and cheerfully bid me goodbye. He bit my ear and ran off to work.

Was I just imagining things? No, I cleaned him last night, was it just a dream? Nothing made sense in Eiri's mind but he chose to ignore it and go on with driving the brat out of his life just in case it happened again.

*weeks later*

I just had dinner with Maria. It was nice, we have so much in common but somehow we don't click… we don't fit together… we're two separate pieces from two different puzzles. Nonetheless, I took her home again, hoping Shuichi would see her and ran away to his best friend crying.

We walked through the door, I flicked the lights on and…

Shuichi. What?

He was drooling with his eyes rolled back. He had a smile on his face that looked wrong there.

Instantly forgetting about the slut beside me, I ran over to my pink-haired angel.

"What the fuck is wrong with you, dumbass?" The bitch asked my beautiful lover.

"Just shut the fuck up! I'll talk to him. You okay? Brat!" I tried to see what was wrong with him because he was not acting normally, but Maria kept fucking interrupting.

"The fuck is he doing?!"

Glaring at nothing, Eiri stood up with a dark aura. He turned around and looked at Maria with cold eyes, the one's that Shuichi saw every day. The eyes he didn't deserve to ever see directed at him.

"Fuck off." Simple, but extremely harsh.

"Excuse me? How dare you, you stupi-"

"Get the fuck out of my house." He cut her off with a calm, deep voice.

"NOW, YOU SLUT!" She ran away crying.

I turned back to Shuichi and kneeled next to him. He flinched as his knee landed on something, an empty needle.

The blonde looked at his lover's arm. It was bleeding from a puncture wound. Tears fell from his eyes as the pink-haired singer stared at him in his drug-induced daze.


	8. Chapter 6

"Why…" He saw Shuichi's face drop. The brat's hand came up to caress his cheek and he leaned into it, hoping it would somehow bring back his bright, bubbly lover. He'd apologize, he'd beg him not to leave, he'd spend the next few years making all of this up to him.

"Don't be sad, Mr. Your face isn't as beautiful with water coming out of your eyes." I sobbed.

Shuichi… When did you start with all this. How long have you been suffering this much. Please speak to me. Why are you so quiet? Talk! Why…" As I neared the end of each of my sentences I realised that he wouldn't respond to me properly right now. He was high.

I stared at his beautiful face that was too pale right now. Too skeleton-like. Too worn out. I watched as his face twisted into a confused expression and then a grin broke out on his face again.

"Yuki!" He seemed somewhat proud of himself that he had remembered my name.

I couldn't take this, so I walked to the kitchen to get a band-aid. I leaned against a bench and tried to calm myself down. Deep breaths, in… out… in… I grabbed a band-aid and kept breathing deeply. In… out… in…

I walked back into the room and gasped. Shuichi was now sitting on his knees, on the floor with his eyes spread wide open. He wasn't seeing me, I waved my hand in front of his face, he didn't react. He didn't even follow it with his eyes. He couldn't see me.

I started yelling at him. He wasn't coming to.

"SHUICHI!" He snapped back into reality like a flicking a light switch.

My brat laughed. This is funny?

I looked at his face, he was crying. His eyes looked scared but his mouth was smiling and to top it all off, tears were cascading down his cheeks. He started pulling his hair, and his head dropped.

He started to cry. But not the normal crying I'd ever seen him do. Normally he cries like a baby, that wants attention from everyone. But right now… it was like he was crying out every bone and organ in his body. Every memory of pain that he had ever had in his life, was leaving his body through tears, sobs and wails.

It was completely heartbreaking. The pain in my chest grew heavier and heavier until I broke as well. I rapidly wrapped my arms underneath his and held him tightly. After a few seconds, he eventually held back just as tightly. My head was in the crook of his neck and his in mine, I felt his tears running down my shoulder and chest and I'm sure he felt mine soaking his shirt.

There were no words needed in that moment. We both knew exactly what it meant. We fit together like puzzle pieces. I need him to keep my heart from completely freezing over, and he needs me to keep his heart from burning to ashes. We both sew each other up when we break, in moments like these. Our love had mountains and seas but we helped each other swim and climb.


	9. The end

They were perfect.

The boy, a newborn optimist.  
>The man, a broken pessimist.<p>

Pink, trusting too much.  
>Blonde, never trusting at all.<p>

Singer, settled in the future.  
>Author, stuck in the past.<p>

Fire, dangerously active.  
>Ice, a deadly bomb.<p>

They were both incomplete human beings.  
>Upon finding one another they became whole.<p> 


End file.
